The endless struggle: Staying at home vs. Working

Some evenings when the day is really dragging I long for the days where I can wake up, shower, put on my suit, send Nick off to Grammy's, and go to court.  Come on, I get to shower for one.  I get to sip my coffee in the car and even play some music other then toddler tunes.  It's almost like every once in a while your body and mind just needs a change of pace.

There are days like today though, where I know that court is approaching tomorrow, I am trying to scramble for more time to prepare and I have a son to take care of on top of it that I wonder what I was thinking in the first place.  Sometimes it is almost like we load our plates with so much to do because we can't stand the thought of taking a second to relax  I have been struggling for months to balance my life.  I have my career in one hand and my family and son in another.  I have and always will put my family first.  So why don't I completely put my career on the backburner until I am done raising our children?  Well, ten years from now I will be sitting here after my children go off to school wondering where MY life went.  What did I enjoy before going to gymboree with my son, reading endless toddler books, and going for long walks to the park?  Can't I just figure this out ten years from now?  Sure I can but will anyone respect me, respect what I did for those ten years, what I gave up? 

No one looking in can completely understand what stay at home moms give up but also what they gain to stay at home with their children.  Some think we are merely being lazy, sipping our coffee while our little ones entertain themselves.  Well, that's not so true is it?  So for me, I try to balance both aspects of my life to gain the experience and build up my resume so that one day I can, if I so desire, continue on with my career full speed ahead.  It's not so easy but then again what is?