The Lies of Motherhood

My husband will tell you that he thinks all mothers are crazy.  Yes, when he says this it does hit a nerve, but look closer at what he is really saying and you might tend to believe him.

 

I was reading a story on BBC News today that made me think of this quote of my husbands.  It was about how mothers admit to parenting lies.  You know, the one where you child sleeps through the night at 2 weeks, or the one where you only allow your child 10 minutes of tv a day.  We all do it in one way or another, but why?  

The point behind the article is that we should all take a different approach to these parenting lies.  The reason behind the lies is the feeling of inadequacy that we all suffer from.  Being a parent is tough enough without the feeling that you aren't living up to the standards of other mothers around you.  You don't want to be the one on the playground with the kid who had a cookie on the way over, when all the other mothers have a reusable bag with organic edamame in it, do you?

In a way it is like high school all over again.  Who has the best bags, the best clothes...the best strollers, the most organic household.  Don't get me wrong, there is definitely an upside to having these standards.  There is nothing wrong with striving to be the best parent that you can be, but there is a price to pay when we set these standards to high for ourselves.  

I have to admit, my standards have gone down a little since having my second son.  I honestly just don't have the time or brain capacity of making sure that every meal I serve is organic, or that my first little one reads x number of books per day.  Sure, I still try my best, but there is only so much mommy to go around.  I just wish all mothers would take a step back and support each other more instead of making it into a competition of who raises their child best.  The most important thing you can do for your family is be "the glass half full."  Support from other mothers, friends, and family is one of the biggest steps.  In order to get there...we need to be more honest with each other. 

The link to the news article is: Mothering Lies

This Stay at Home Thing

This stay at home thing is no joke sometimes.  Then again, I don't think it's ever a joke.  My husband has been out of town on business most of the week and will be gone all of next week.  I can't believe how much a half an hour of help at night actually helps.  I think a lot of it is that when my son wakes up at night I have someone that splits the duty.  We have an ongoing joke in this house that everyone needs "daddy" home to feel safe.  The thing is it's the truth!  Our dog, ever since he was a puppy has been a nervous mess everytime my husband isn't home.  It is almost like he thinks he needs to take care of everyone and can't relax.  Well, it's caught on, and now I feel exactly like that as well.  The difference is though is that I AM on duty when my husband isn't home at night.

Needless to say this momma is exhausted and craving a change of pace.  I have been a stay at home mom for 7 months straight now, and I am thinking about the future and when I will want to go back to work.  Not the best time to think about this when you have another on the way.  In the meantime I am seriously considering putting my 17 month old in some sort of nursery a few hours a few times a week.  I found this one program that we will be going to look at next week.  I am hoping to take on some work during these hours, per diem in law, to stay active in the field.  Do I feel like a failure of a mom?  Sure.  I actually sometimes feel like a failure as a person.  I couldn't manage the work full time mommy thing, and I am looking for a change after only 7 months of the stay at home mommy thing.  I am hoping to find a happy medium.

I'd love to hear your experiences!

Week in Review and What's to Come

Well, it's been a slower week over here, but we did have some exciting news.

Be sure to check out some of our nap woes that are going on around these parts

Beginning of a New Era

And for those who missed it, check out our big news:

Exciting News

Next week we have some great stuff going on.  We have a great revieew and giveaway.  The review is an adorable Etsy shop specializing in baby booties, and Mary Janes.  I also think you will love the giveaway, every mom can use a chic diaper bag, right?

It's also Spring Time so let's start some Spring Cleaning!!  Is it sad that this is one of my favorite times of the year?  I have a great plan that will get your house in working order in no time.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Long Time No See...Some News to Share

Well, well, well...it's be a while since I've seen you here.  By you, I mean myself.  I have been super distant from just about everything I feel.  These last few weeks have been a whirlwind and I haven't had much time to dedicate to my blog.  I am sorry for this, as I keep meaning to get on and write something but the truth is, I just haven't had much energy at the end of the day...or the beginning for that matter.

The real truth is, I'm pregnant!  Number two is one his/her way.  We found out just about a month ago.  We wanted to keep the news quiet until all of our family knew, and the deed has finally been done.  It was a slow process, but both my parents and both of my husband's parents know, and our combined five siblings have been updated!  The response was as expected.  A little startled, but in the end excited.  Our son is currently 15 months old and will be 22 months when our next is born.  I've been very overwhelmed to say the least!  We were planning, so not exactly worried on that front, but no matter if you are a first or second time mom....the feeling is the same...pure questions.  Will I be able to take care of two?  Will I be able to give as much attention to my first, will he be jealous?  Will I love the second as much.  The list goes on.  One thing I do know though is how happy and anxious I am.

With our little guy I had morning sickness from about 6 weeks on.  Every single day.  I think there was a 3 week period where I felt good, that was short lived. So far I have felt the pregnancy nausea pretty much every day since week 5, but the morning sickness has stayed at bay!  Praying that continues.  The fatigue is definitely the worst this time around.  Most likely because I am chasing around a very over eager 15 month old who has no idea there is a little person growing inside me.

There will be much to tell over the next couple of months, and I hope you bare with me while I can figure out a way to balance out everything in my life right now. 

Wish List Wednesday: My Colonial Home

My family still lives in an apartment, I don't mind this so much because I want to be sure that we have allll of our finances in order before we make that investment in a home.  That aside, I can't wait to settle in a quaint little town, hopefully on the shoreline of Connecticut.  My greatest hope is that it can be a town that I will live in for the rest of my life.  For some this is a scary thought, but for me it is something that I always have wanted.  I want a town with a great school system, down town shops...almost like a little village.

I have always adored old town houses, either Colonial or Federal style.  And I hope that in the near future I can be moving intoa house that looks a little something like this...

I can dream a little.

Wish List Wednesday

Let's examine my vacations in the past few years.  My husband and I got married almost three years ago.  We had the honeymoon of our dreams, right in St. Lucia, the location of the infamous Bachelor.  It was perfect and I would give many a thing to go back.  After that, I went to Florida with my husband and my parents.  It was beautiful and a great time away.  And last, but not least, 3 months before my son was born we went on a Babymoon.  We went to the beautiful island of Nantucket.  I couldn't have chosen a better way to spend four days.  We got fantastic weather while there was a noreastern where we currently live in New England.  We saw the most beautiful sunset that there could ever be on a beach with no one on it but ourselves. 

...that was over a year and a half ago.  We are dying here!  We need a vacation so desperately!  I am still undeicded if we would bring our son or not...I don't know if I can leave him for longer than a night yet, but just to get away is my dream.  Since my husband is not a permanent employee, and is a contractor, it has been harder to get away because we would have to pay for not only the trip, but lose that weeks income.  So...this Wednesday, I am wishing for a vacay.  Please, anyone?

our honeymoon spot

It's Where the Heart Is...

I am a Jersey Girl, born and raised.  All the stereo types may not be true (for me at least) but I do love New Jersey. The board walk, zeppoles,  the Garden State Parkway, and endless shoppin.  gAlthough, the last time I took a drive through NJ I almost had a panic attack because of the drivers...ok, I finally agree, they are crazy!  I used to be too...but I have to admit I have gotten better since my son was born, I am more like an old women now, you just wish I'd get out of your way.  I Digress.  I never thought that I could leave New Jersey.  When I graduated college my husband and I were dating and had decided that whereever I got into law school we would be moving.  I applied to two law schools in New Jersey and didn't get into either.  I think I almost died right there.  We were left with either Florida or Rhode Island.  I had never lived more then 30 minutes from home, so it was clear we'd be moving to Rhode Island.

It took a LONG time for me to get used to living this far from hom.  Not one year, not two years, but possibly three years.  It wasn't until I hit 6 months into my pregnancy, after we had left Rhode Island and moved to Connecticut that I finally felt comfortable being out of New Jersey.  Until then I had missed having the safety and security of knowing that my friends and family were a stone throw away.  I had a preconceived notion that if I were in my precious home state things would be different, I would be getting out more, I would be more "myself."  6 months pregnant and my mom had moved out of state, I still hadn't had many of our friends visit us, we were always the ones traveling, and it finally hit me that THIS was my home.  I was having a baby.  He would be my life.  And how true it is.

Now I sit here not knowing where my husband's job may take us next and I am okay with that.  Of course I have grown to love Connecticut and pray everyday my husband will get a full time offer, but you know what?  It won't be that bad.  I have dreams that if I do have to move, my dad and mom will eventually be there...or I will dangle their grandchildren in front of them until they give in.  But we will survive.

There will always be a part of my heart that lives in NJ though...

Who said Mom's can't be sexy?

Before I got pregnant I was the queen of heels.  I would wear them everyday if I could.  I would not be caught dead wearing flats (that is before ballet flats became fashionable.)  I am 5'1 and felt utterly powerless without heels, that is until I became a mom.  We all know the feeling when we were five months pregnant that wearing heels would just not be a safe bet.  So we wear our flats, it's only temporary right?  Everyone will understand.  Well, no one tells you, that after you have the baby...you'll still be wearing flats.  First it's just the fact that you are "recovering," then it's the fact that you are chasing around your little one on play dates all day...and then the day comes...you try on  your beloved heels.  I am not talking about your average heels, I am talking about drop dead sexy heels, pointy toes and the whole shabang.  You put them on and say to yourself, "you've got to be kidding me?!" 

That is what I said to myself today when I tried this out.  I wanted to feel sexy on my date with my husband, so I put on these fabulous leather heels.  I couldn't even walk for goodness sake!  I didn't take them off though, don't you worry.  I wore them and I worked them...even if I was wobbling. I swear, every time I took a step I felt like I could have just about been walking on stilts.

In the end, it doesn't matter how much you have changed or how much your body has changed in the process of making a family.  When it comes down to it you have to look and see what you have in exchange.  I was complaining to my husband last night about how I would love to look like I used to in my bikini, or in an evening dress...but you know what?  Look what I have, I have an amazing son, and a pretty good body to show after it. I will probably never look like I did when I was in college, but do I really want to?  I wouldn't trade anything for what I have.  And you know what, I don't think my husband would either.

When I came home tonight after our date, I took off my heels and awaited my valentine's day present (we celebrated today.)  I saw a Victoria's Secret bag.  I expected lingerie, but instead I got the most wonderful pj set I could ever imagine.  It is so incredibly comfortable, while at the same time sexy.  I was so impressed with my husband and appreciative to have someone that doesn't mind seeing me in my comfy mom clothes all the time!  So tonight I will relish in having an amazing husband, a beautiful son, and a great life.

What did I do with myself before I had a child?

Have you ever asked yourself this before, if you have a child?  I bet you have.  It seems to be a common thing that parents say.  I, myself, have been saying it a lot lately...but it hasn't COMPLETELY hit me until today.

This morning I woke up early with my son and let my husband sleep in.  We each get one day a weekend to sleep in.  Get this, we sleep in until 8:30!  Sometimes we will cheat and wake up at 8 am so that we can lay in bed reading a book, or surfing the internet.  This has become what "rebelling"  is.  Well, anyway, I took care of Nick until my husband woke up.  During this time I got all his food ready for the day on the counter.  Cleaned a sippy cup, and mostly tried to straighten up the kitchen a little...all so that I knew things were mostly in order before I left for the night!  Yes! For the night.  I had a shower in New Jersey to go to and boy was I excited.  First, though, I had to stop and get milk and drop it back at home so that Nick doesn't go without his organic whole milk for a night.

Once this is all finished, I get on the road.  The day is going just as planned.  I decide to call my friend who I honestly had not spoken with in FOREVER.  We are talking and talking...when I realize, hey, I have NO CLUE where I am.  Yea, I missed my exit and thus have to go over the George Washington Bridge.  Not so bad when you are from New Jersey.  When you haven't lived their in over five years though, I finally get what people say when  NJ drivers are crazy!! It is NO joke.

I finally get to my destination 15 minutes after the bridal shower started, after changing and putting my makeup on in the car in a bank parking lot.  In the end it was great to see some old friends and catch up.  Once it was over I had the shocking realization that I had no child or husband to go home to.  I wouldn't be changing any diapers or giving any bottles tonight.  No baths, no putting my son to sleep, no night time stories...well, not in person at least.  Yes, that's right...I read both Goodnight Moon and the Very Hungry Caterpillar to my son, by heart, on speaker phone.  Sad, I know.  Mostly for my poor husband.

So the question is, seriously, what did we do before we had children?  It all seems so boring.  Maybe I can actually sleep a full 8 hours without going to put my son back to sleep...or maybe I will just lie awake contemplating how my life was so empty before he came along.