This Stay at Home Thing

This stay at home thing is no joke sometimes.  Then again, I don't think it's ever a joke.  My husband has been out of town on business most of the week and will be gone all of next week.  I can't believe how much a half an hour of help at night actually helps.  I think a lot of it is that when my son wakes up at night I have someone that splits the duty.  We have an ongoing joke in this house that everyone needs "daddy" home to feel safe.  The thing is it's the truth!  Our dog, ever since he was a puppy has been a nervous mess everytime my husband isn't home.  It is almost like he thinks he needs to take care of everyone and can't relax.  Well, it's caught on, and now I feel exactly like that as well.  The difference is though is that I AM on duty when my husband isn't home at night.

Needless to say this momma is exhausted and craving a change of pace.  I have been a stay at home mom for 7 months straight now, and I am thinking about the future and when I will want to go back to work.  Not the best time to think about this when you have another on the way.  In the meantime I am seriously considering putting my 17 month old in some sort of nursery a few hours a few times a week.  I found this one program that we will be going to look at next week.  I am hoping to take on some work during these hours, per diem in law, to stay active in the field.  Do I feel like a failure of a mom?  Sure.  I actually sometimes feel like a failure as a person.  I couldn't manage the work full time mommy thing, and I am looking for a change after only 7 months of the stay at home mommy thing.  I am hoping to find a happy medium.

I'd love to hear your experiences!

The endless struggle: Staying at home vs. Working

Some evenings when the day is really dragging I long for the days where I can wake up, shower, put on my suit, send Nick off to Grammy's, and go to court.  Come on, I get to shower for one.  I get to sip my coffee in the car and even play some music other then toddler tunes.  It's almost like every once in a while your body and mind just needs a change of pace.

There are days like today though, where I know that court is approaching tomorrow, I am trying to scramble for more time to prepare and I have a son to take care of on top of it that I wonder what I was thinking in the first place.  Sometimes it is almost like we load our plates with so much to do because we can't stand the thought of taking a second to relax  I have been struggling for months to balance my life.  I have my career in one hand and my family and son in another.  I have and always will put my family first.  So why don't I completely put my career on the backburner until I am done raising our children?  Well, ten years from now I will be sitting here after my children go off to school wondering where MY life went.  What did I enjoy before going to gymboree with my son, reading endless toddler books, and going for long walks to the park?  Can't I just figure this out ten years from now?  Sure I can but will anyone respect me, respect what I did for those ten years, what I gave up? 

No one looking in can completely understand what stay at home moms give up but also what they gain to stay at home with their children.  Some think we are merely being lazy, sipping our coffee while our little ones entertain themselves.  Well, that's not so true is it?  So for me, I try to balance both aspects of my life to gain the experience and build up my resume so that one day I can, if I so desire, continue on with my career full speed ahead.  It's not so easy but then again what is?

Part I: Stay at Home Moms

I had originally planned on getting this post out a little earlier this morning, but wouldn’t you know, it’s happened again.  I’ve spilled a liquid on my laptop.  The first time I did it I was about 7 months pregnant and attempted to get up without support, kicking my iced tea onto my computer.  It was never the same again.  Today, I, unfortunately have no excuses.  I am addicted to coffee, and this addiction almost ruined a 1300 dollar laptop that was a present from my in laws (no one tell).  So, wow, do I tell my husband? Yea because I am a sucker. But, of course not until I try to fix it myself only leaving my husband two hours of work when he got home.

Well, here I am.  The computer is fine, thank God. 
Let’s start with the decision to actually become a stay at home mom.  It is not in the least an easy decision.  Usually, it is even hard to decide if it something you wish to do, nevertheless, if your family can afford it.  The truth is, it isn’t an easy decision.  There aren’t even two decisions.  There is no wrong and right.  In my opinion…everyone is entitled to their own opinion.  Some believe that no child is better left with someone other then their own parent.  Mother knows best, that is where your child will get the most nurturing environment.  Or, is it that a structured environment, with a structured day full of activities and socializing best?  Who knows.  Really all it comes down to is what is best for your family.

Let’s talk income.  You may think that any extra income is just that, extra income.  Yeah, not true.  Nannies are NOT cheap, and neither is daycare.  I was paying my nanny 400 a week.  That’s 1600 a month, a whole lot of money.  If you add that to gas money, lunch money, work clothes, and anything else a career mom/dad would need…Are you really making that much?  For some of you the answer may be yes.  If so, by all means, consider how much this is helping your family.  And don’t forget the inevitable taxes and how a two income family may effect this.
http://www.hughchou.org/calc/dappen.cgi
Here is a calculator that will help you decide if the second income is really worth it.  In our case we found out that yes, we were making more money, but it wasn’t enough for me to emotionally justify what I was loosing by working.

This is assuming that you do wish to stay at home with your children.  There are of course other things that come into this decision.  Some people would just much rather go to work during the week, knowing that their child is socializing, and that they are providing what they believe is a better future for their children.  Some individuals have put a lot into their career goals and no matter how much they love their children, they need something else.  This is perfectly fine.  Some days I wonder what I was thinking when I gave up the prospect of sitting in my office, having conversations that didn’t revolve around sleep patterns and bottles.  There are ways to have both a fulfilling family life, work life, and even personal life.  For me, this wasn’t an option.  Some of you may just know what is right for your family, others may want something more in the middle.  I love having an occasional work day.  It makes me feel like I have not put my education to waste, and I love being able to use my mind in different ways.

Staying at home with your children is no joke.  Luckily I had the luxury of knowing this before I quit my job.  There are long, boring days ahead, but there is also joy, love, and the greatest gift of all…watching your lessons and love transform a baby into a young man or women.  This week I hope to share some of the ups and downs that I have faced and even some great tips on staying happy and enjoying every minute with your little one!