Sibling Love: Getting your Two Year Old to Love your Newborn

I thought the day would never come.  For those of you that read my earlier posts since my second L was born, you know that it was not an easy start.  But, hey, what is easy about two under two.  Not only was I an emotional roller coaster, hanging on dearly to my two year old who I had become so in love with that not even my new little bundle of joy could compete with, but N wanted nothing to do with his younger brother.

It wasn't as bad as it could have been.  N wasn't beating, kicking, or throwing anything at his brother, it was more of just a tasteful disdain;  he just didn't care.  No matter how many times the other toddlers we know would drool over this cute little baby and want to grab and kiss him, N had no desire.  I think he thought if he just ignored him we would get rid of him.

The hardest parts were when I would hold L and N would politely say and point, "put L here," and point to his bouncy or swing.  Not only didn't he want to get close to his brother, he didn't want me getting closer either.

Let me not scare all of you who are expecting a second.  These early months flew by.  It was tough at first but I can honestly now say that N is in love with his baby brother.  It started slowly with N just whispering sweet nothings to his brother and now he will do it anywhere we go.  He loves looking at his brother, singing to him, taking pictures with him, and showing him his latest toys.  I can't explain the joy that this brings me.  Everyone told me that this would be the best feeling, but it was just something that I had to experience for myself.  All it took was some patience.  I prayed for the day when it would finally happen, and it did.

Last week my husband was giving L a bath, (yes he finally realized it was easier than giving our 2 year old his, so this is now my duty) and L started splashing around and giggling non stop.  Older brother walked in and couldn't contain himself.  He started bursting out laughing and staring at his brother enjoying his splash in the tub.  Hubby and I were just in awe.  This was the first actual brotherly connection between the two.  Where they were each sharing a giggle with each other and it was just so sweet.  It makes all those earlier months worth it, and I can't wait for more

Are you a Happy Mom?

Finding happiness sometimes can be just finding the little things in your life that bring you joy.  One of those things for me is waking up with my children, giving them something to do, grabbing my cup of coffee and popping on the Today Show.  This is something so simple but for me it is the 20 minutes of my day that I can count on.  Even today, my husband left early for a business trip and wasn't there to wake up and help with the kids.  I woke up though and started my morning the same as any other and I think we all felt solice in this.  My oldest son knows what to expect and it helped us all jump start our day.  I get that 20 minutes to think and do something for myself and my son gets 20 minutes to explore his world.

This morning on the Today show Meg Meeker was on.  I was very excited to see that they were going to be talking about Moms and being happy.  Whenever I see a headline based on moms this always spikes my interest, today especially.  I think as parents we are always striving to make others happy and we seldom take the time to develop our own happiness.  It is not usually something that happens on it's own.  Sure, we are all happy with our children, our beautiful family that we have made, but what do we have for ourselves.

Some of the things that Meg Meeker suggests are taking time to do something for yourself, pamper yourself.  Also, you don't have to feel the need to sign your child up for every little activity.  Sometimes, face time with your children is more important.  They, "just want to live life next to us."  I thought this was such a beautiful way to put it.  This can be hard to do, just slow down and take life day by day.  I think we all have something to learn on happiness and this was made more evident by the startling numbers that almost 50 percent of moms were not happy.  We all know that our happiness can be noticed and soaked up by our children, so if not for ourselves, this is just another reason to strive for happiness.  I plan on picking this book up and continuing on my journey to being a better mom by hopefully learning to enjoy my own things a little more each day.

The Battlefield that is Our Home

I am a typical mom.  I love my little boys to no end and I therefore let them get away with murder.  My husband will often comment on this weakness of mine.  It has been the supposed reasons for many of my son's flaws.  Not taking naps for me, not eating for me, not using the potty for me....keyword, me.  My little guy will do all of these things for my husband with the smallest of glances.  For me, he will push every button you could imagine.

I have been telling my husband that I am building a far thicker skin these past few months, and believe me, I am.  Is it really thick enough though?  All I need is one simple cry from my little boy and my heart breaks.  I have all sorts of things flowing through my mind.  Should I just give in?  One cookie before dinner isn't going to kill him....

Today was not one of those days.  My darling little boy had gotten into our piggy bank.  Yes, the one that we leave out so we can drop any of our change into it, hoping that one day we will get a much needed vacation.  The one of many glass items that are on our living room shelves in disregard of our 2 year old and 3 month old, who I am sure will both make it their life's mission to destroy.  Anyway, he got into it...again.  This time, though, his game ended early and he did not put back the coins after spilling them all over the floor.  He insisted that, "mommy dood it!"  Meaning, I was supposed to pick up his mess.  No way.  I wasn't having it.  So, there went our hour long battle.  His grandmother was coming over to take a trip to the store with us.  I tried effortlessly to convince him that he would be staying home if he did not pick up his mess.  Well, sure enough, Grammy came and all the coins were still on the floor.  I was holding my ground.  I told her that we were not leaving until this crying little boy had picked up all the coins.  The second he saw his Grammy, he knew I was for real and wouldn't you know it? He started picking up those coins!


Was it my standing my ground that led to this....doubtful.  It was probably just the prospect of him not getting to venture out with his Grammy.  I am sure I just looked like the cruel mother who doesn't want her son having any fun. At least I know that is what my son thought.  I remember feeling the exact same thing when I was young.  Whatever the case, it is one of the hardest things to stand your ground when you know you are upsetting your little boy, who wants nothing more than to just play and be happy in life.  But, I guess that's motherhood sometimes.

The Lies of Motherhood

My husband will tell you that he thinks all mothers are crazy.  Yes, when he says this it does hit a nerve, but look closer at what he is really saying and you might tend to believe him.

 

I was reading a story on BBC News today that made me think of this quote of my husbands.  It was about how mothers admit to parenting lies.  You know, the one where you child sleeps through the night at 2 weeks, or the one where you only allow your child 10 minutes of tv a day.  We all do it in one way or another, but why?  

The point behind the article is that we should all take a different approach to these parenting lies.  The reason behind the lies is the feeling of inadequacy that we all suffer from.  Being a parent is tough enough without the feeling that you aren't living up to the standards of other mothers around you.  You don't want to be the one on the playground with the kid who had a cookie on the way over, when all the other mothers have a reusable bag with organic edamame in it, do you?

In a way it is like high school all over again.  Who has the best bags, the best clothes...the best strollers, the most organic household.  Don't get me wrong, there is definitely an upside to having these standards.  There is nothing wrong with striving to be the best parent that you can be, but there is a price to pay when we set these standards to high for ourselves.  

I have to admit, my standards have gone down a little since having my second son.  I honestly just don't have the time or brain capacity of making sure that every meal I serve is organic, or that my first little one reads x number of books per day.  Sure, I still try my best, but there is only so much mommy to go around.  I just wish all mothers would take a step back and support each other more instead of making it into a competition of who raises their child best.  The most important thing you can do for your family is be "the glass half full."  Support from other mothers, friends, and family is one of the biggest steps.  In order to get there...we need to be more honest with each other. 

The link to the news article is: Mothering Lies