Toddler Transitions Mini Series Part I: Preschool, Not for the Faint of Heart

For the next few weeks I hope to do a little mini series on the transitions that our toddlers face and the way we as parents can make these transitions a little easier for our children and ourselves.  The first transition I want to deal with is preschool.  Preschool is not a mandatory transition as some of the others are.  All children eventually have to learn how to use the potty, sleep in a bed that no longer offers the security of a side, and get rid of their beloved pacifiers.  Most children will inevitably go into a school setting at some point, but not all will go to preschool.  This is a decision in itself.  We always knew that we would send Nick to preschool.  Being that he has a December birthday and the cut off in Connecticut to go to kindergarten is December 31st, we already had a difficult decision to make.  Will we send him when he is 4 turning 5 or wait an extra year?  As of now we are pretty set that we will wait the extra year.  Because of this, we now have to decide whether to send him to two or three years of preschool.

Nick is a pretty smart little man.  Well, that's what we think...don't we all think that of our children?  He knows many a song, knows how to count to 13 (why he stopped there we have no idea), knows a few colors etc.  On the other hand he is also very tiny for his age, shy, and really really loves being around his mommy.  If we started him in September he would be going to preschool with children who are almost over a whole year older than him.  I was always dead set on sending him the day that they allowed me.  That was of course before the decision was imminent and I thought of my little boy being devoured by a 4 year old who was double his size!  Of course this is quite the exxageration but is definitely something to consider, aside from him actually being eaten by a four year old.  My little guy barely knows how to defend himself against a nonsharer on the playground let alone a whole class of children who are most likely further along socially and academically because of their age and their advanced degree of pottyhood.

After months of going back and forth on this issue we have decided against sending him to a formal preschool in the fall.  Two years seems like it is plenty enough.  There are also numerous programs in the area that are similar to a preschool where we will send him.  There is a local children's museum that offers a drop in preschool class a few hours a week and the local high school has a preschool class taught by the high school students every once in a while.  This will give us the time we all need to adjust to the idea of preschool and take our time with potty training, separation anxiety, and of course, growing.  Everytime I hear another mother talking about their child starting in the fall, though, I still wonder if we are making the right decision.  Maybe he would excel and learn more at school than he would at home?  Maybe he would learn how to better control his emotions and develop better socially?  The truth is I have no way of knowing any of this.  None of us do.  As with all decisions that we have to make for our children, we just have to go with our gut and what we think is best for them and hope for the best.

What I have to keep reminding myself is that this decision will not make or break my son's future.  He will be fine either way.

Next Wednesday we'll talk about the transition of potty training where you get to learn all about my son's regression and what we plan to do about it.  Hopefully I have some idea by then!

No Wonder They Go Through the Terrible Twos!

I found myself getting a little anxious yesterday thinking about all of the transitions my two year old will be going through this year.  We recently tried potty training, although it worked for a while we are taking a little break.  I will talk about this another day, but he just was getting too upset over it.  Nick is almost 28 months old and still uses a pacifier at night and naps, is in a crib, wears diapers, and doesn't go to preschool.  That means that within the upcoming months we have some major decisions to make on which to tackle first, when to tackle each, and the biggest decision we've made up to this date, whether or not to send Nick to preschool in the fall.

Looking at all of these adjustments that he will have to go through there is no shock that he has been having a rough time lately.  He has just recently gone back into a stage of severe seperation anxiety.  He is no longer interested in spending time at the daycare gym or having his daddy put him down at night.  He just wants me around 24-7.  Many have commented that it must be the arrival of his younger brother.  I am hesitant to believe that this is the case.  Luke is almost 5 months old and I think that he is fairly adjusted to this by now.  I think our little people all just go through stages and this is one of his.  I have been trying to give him the extra love and attention that he needs and hoping that this phase passes sooner rather than later.  All of these decisions have been putting a lot of stress on the two of us as I am sure he can sense my anxiety.

With that said, I have no idea what order we will tackle these transitions in, all I know is that they are impending and we can both sense it.  Nick has been warned about the pacifier fairy, has started using the potty, and even tried breaking out of his crib.  I hope to be able to deal with each of these in stride, slowly, patiently, and in their own time.  These next few weeks I plan on posting on each of these topics and assessing the best ways to get through them with the least stress on all of us.  Hope you will join me!

The Battlefield that is Our Home

I am a typical mom.  I love my little boys to no end and I therefore let them get away with murder.  My husband will often comment on this weakness of mine.  It has been the supposed reasons for many of my son's flaws.  Not taking naps for me, not eating for me, not using the potty for me....keyword, me.  My little guy will do all of these things for my husband with the smallest of glances.  For me, he will push every button you could imagine.

I have been telling my husband that I am building a far thicker skin these past few months, and believe me, I am.  Is it really thick enough though?  All I need is one simple cry from my little boy and my heart breaks.  I have all sorts of things flowing through my mind.  Should I just give in?  One cookie before dinner isn't going to kill him....

Today was not one of those days.  My darling little boy had gotten into our piggy bank.  Yes, the one that we leave out so we can drop any of our change into it, hoping that one day we will get a much needed vacation.  The one of many glass items that are on our living room shelves in disregard of our 2 year old and 3 month old, who I am sure will both make it their life's mission to destroy.  Anyway, he got into it...again.  This time, though, his game ended early and he did not put back the coins after spilling them all over the floor.  He insisted that, "mommy dood it!"  Meaning, I was supposed to pick up his mess.  No way.  I wasn't having it.  So, there went our hour long battle.  His grandmother was coming over to take a trip to the store with us.  I tried effortlessly to convince him that he would be staying home if he did not pick up his mess.  Well, sure enough, Grammy came and all the coins were still on the floor.  I was holding my ground.  I told her that we were not leaving until this crying little boy had picked up all the coins.  The second he saw his Grammy, he knew I was for real and wouldn't you know it? He started picking up those coins!


Was it my standing my ground that led to this....doubtful.  It was probably just the prospect of him not getting to venture out with his Grammy.  I am sure I just looked like the cruel mother who doesn't want her son having any fun. At least I know that is what my son thought.  I remember feeling the exact same thing when I was young.  Whatever the case, it is one of the hardest things to stand your ground when you know you are upsetting your little boy, who wants nothing more than to just play and be happy in life.  But, I guess that's motherhood sometimes.